Ladies, at one point or another, we’ve all had that “back up guy” on deck in case we needed a quick date or some male company. You know the type: he’s more than a friend but nowhere near anyone we claim as our man. But have you ever wondered if you were someone else’s back up chick? In matters of the heart, lines can get blurred and many things can get lost in translation when you’re ignoring signs or being deceived, so here are some ways to tell if the guy you’re into is into you back, or if you’re simply his back up chick.
1. He Doesn’t Claim You: Some men will call you his “girl” in private, but never claim you in public. By this, I mean never introducing you to friends or family, no PDA and won’t be caught dead in any cute, cozy flicks on Instagram. I’m not saying you have to have a social media presence in order to be official, but if he doesn’t want anyone to know you exist and says it’s because he’s “private” and doesn’t want anyone all up in his business, what he’s REALLY saying is “I want to keep my options open.” You’re not the one…keep it moving.
2. Cancels Plans At The Last Minute: This guy only asked you to hang out because the woman he really wanted to go out with was unavailable. But then she became available, which means you are now getting the boot. If this happens often, it’s usually because something, or someone, better came along and he doesn’t need you to fall back on anymore. If it happens once, it’s nothing to get alarmed about. But if it happens often, you’re his back up chick…and you shouldn’t stand for it out of principal alone.
3. He Just Wants To Be Friends (With Benefits): The most obvious way to tell you’re his back up chick is if he tells you he just wants to be friends, even after you’ve managed to sleep together already. Now this is where a woman has to be honest with herself because a lot of men will tell a woman upfront that they don’t want to be in a relationship with her or anyone else, but they think s3x will change their mind. Ladies, not even MIND-BLOWING s3x will make a man want to commit if he isn’t ready. Hell, he may be ready to commit, just not with you. If he says he just wants to be friends, believe him. If you can hand s3x with no strings, cool…rock out. But if you want more, wait to see if that friendship has the potential to turn into something more before you give up the goodies.
4. Makes Plans At The Last Minute: Just like the guy who cancels at the last minute, the man who uses you as his back up chick usually considers you his “Plan B” when his original plans fall through. He knows you’ll be at home waiting by the phone for him to call you to do something, so you keep your weekends free just in case he gets the urge to hit you up. If you recognize this behaviour in yourself, stop it and get a life. As the saying goes, don’t make a man a priority when he only considers you an option. Next time he calls with a last minute request to see you, be busy
5. He Says You Are Perfect For Someone Else: How many times have you been seeing a guy casually who complains that there are no good women out there when, in fact, you seem to be everything he’s looking for? It’s frustrating when the guy you’re head over heels in love with can’t recognize a good thing when it’s staring him in the face, so you keep trying to show him how wonderful you are to no avail. He will tell you that you’re beautiful, intelligent, funny, hot, and everything that any man could ever want…just not him. What he’s saying is he’s just not that into you. If he keeps trying to push you onto someone else, then follow his lead and find a man who actually wants to be with you.
6. He Openly Dates Other Women: Again, this is a no-brainer, but you’d be surprised how many women are in denial that they have a chance with a guy who openly talks about and dates other women. If you two have no real commitment and he has no problem discussing other women in front of you, you’re wasting your time hoping for a relationship with this guy. If he knows that you want more than a casual dating situation with him, yet flaunts other women in front of you anyway, he has no regard for your feelings. In fact, wants you to know that you two are nowhere close to being in a committed relationship. He’s showing you who he is and what he does and does not want. Believe him!
7. He Never Returns Your Calls: Duh. If you are always calling him, only to get a response back from him days or weeks later, he’s not that into you. When a man is digging you, he can’t help but reach out to you to hear your voice, check up on you and see what you’re up to. But if days, weeks…months go by, and then he hits you up out of the blue like “what’s up…wanna hang out,” or drunk texts you asking if he can stop by, it is up to you to see the clear sign. This basically means he’s in between girlfriends, his girlfriend is out of town, or he’s bored or Hot and there is no one else to call. Block him.
8. You Can’t Spend The Night After S3x: If a man says you can’t stay over because he has to get up early or simply asks you to leave after having s3x, you are a non-factor in his life. You should be able to at least get a good night’s rest after rolling around in the sheets and maybe even a bowl of cereal in the morning before you head out. But if he’s always got an excuse as to why you can’t stay, he’s using you for s3x only or he’s afraid his REAL girlfriend will roll up on him and bust him. If he was really into you, he’d want you to stay so you could spoon all night. Have some dignity and never go back…and sleep in your own bed.
9. He Always Comes To You After A Break Up: This is the guy who cries on your should after some other no-good chick breaks his heart into a million little pieces…and he has yet to realize that you would never hurt him like that. He knows deep down inside that you are a good woman and would make a great wife one day, but rather than getting with you, he dates ratchet chicks and then wonders how he got played for a fool. He’s vulnerable, so he talks to you in romantic ways saying things like “why can’t all women be wonderful like you,” getting your hopes up that he’ll actually open his eyes and discover that you’re the one. He spends time with you while he heals and you take his mind off that wicked b–ch who broke his heart and you think he’ll pay you back with his undying love and devotion. Wake up, because that stuff only happens in your dreams or the movies. Once his wounds have healed and he’s over her, he doesn’t need you anymore…he’s on the prowl again looking for anyone but you. Next time he comes to you after a breakup, tell him you’d love to console him but you’ve got plans with your new man and he’ll have to get over it himself. You’re not his therapist, he’ll be alright.